In 2023, US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy published a report that became a sensation well beyond medical circles. He described loneliness as an 'epidemic' and compared its health consequences to smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. Subjective feelings of isolation increase the risk of premature death by 29%, cardiovascular disease by 32%, dementia by 50%. Loneliness kills slowly and in many ways.
For people who want a child but lack a suitable partner, this is not abstract statistics. It is the context in which the decision about co-parenting is made. Which is why the question 'why do people choose co-parenting instead of waiting' is not a question about impatience. It is a question about psychology, about time, and about what it means to live in the present rather than deferring life indefinitely.
When someone says 'I'm waiting for the right partner,' it sounds reasonable. But what is actually happening in that time? Research in developmental psychology shows that prolonged deferral of meaningful life events — having children, forming a family, changing careers — is often accompanied by what researchers call 'anticipatory regret': anxiety about future regrets before they have occurred.
This is a closed loop. The person fears regretting that they didn't wait. And simultaneously fears regretting that they waited for years and never became a parent. Both fears are real. Both cause pain. And both exist at the same time.
Harvard happiness researchers, including Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, have shown that people systematically overestimate how much they will regret decisions they've made, and underestimate their own capacity to adapt to any outcome. In other words: both 'waiting for the right partner' and actively choosing co-parenting will turn out better than we think in advance. And worse, too.
Data from European co-parenting platforms paint a surprisingly diverse picture. Contrary to the stereotype of 'desperate singles', a significant proportion of people actively seeking a co-parent are individuals with full social lives, professional achievements and a conscious choice at the centre of their decision. Among them: men and women between 30 and 45 who have deliberately chosen independence as a lifestyle but want a child. People who have been through divorce and are not ready for new romantic relationships, but are ready for shared parenting. LGBTQ+ individuals for whom co-parenting is the most accessible route to biological parenthood.
What unites all these people is not loneliness in the sense of isolation. It is the gap between what they want (a child) and what they have (no romantic partner). Co-parenting is a way to close precisely this gap, without sacrificing either.
One of the main fears of people choosing co-parenting or solo parenthood is 'this is bad for the child.' This fear is testable. And the data do not support it — with important qualifications.
Longitudinal studies of single mothers by choice — women who have deliberately chosen motherhood without a partner — show that their children differ from children in two-parent families on very few developmental measures. The factors that matter: the mother's emotional stability, financial resources, availability of a supportive network. Family structure: no.
Co-parenting in this sense is an even more resilient structure than solo parenting: the child has two involved adults sharing responsibility. The main predictor of a child's wellbeing in any family structure is the quality of the relationship between the parents — not their romantic status.
'You're still young, wait.' 'Find a proper partner first.' 'A child needs both parents under one roof.' People who have decided on co-parenting hear this often. Sometimes from those close to them, sometimes from themselves.
It is important to distinguish between two types of doubt. The first is social pressure based on outdated norms about what a family 'should' look like. This voice is real, but uninformative: it speaks to others' expectations, not your specific situation. The second is internal anxiety based on genuine concerns: will I manage financially? Will I find a suitable co-parent? These are signals worth working with.
Choosing co-parenting instead of waiting is neither capitulation nor a second-best option. It is an active decision by a person who understands what they want and chooses a path that fits their life, not others' expectations. Loneliness is a real factor in this decision. But it is not the only one, and not the defining one. What defines it is the desire for parenthood — and the readiness to take responsibility for making it real.